Where Do We Go From Here

Sarah, thank you so much.

i was crying all the way when i read your post. :'(

you've done a lot of things for me

we've been best friends since std. 6

& i still remember our first fight.

haha. u were with shin yi that time.

i guess you & janice understands me the most

we feel the same when we talk about our parents & friends

like we were bonded to be together

I really misses you when we split.

but i never told anyone

no one knew. because i missed you in my heart

i'm not saying that i'm sad when i'm with sharon & jazelle

it's just that we've been together for so long

& we suddenly split. it just hurts

nothing can ever takeover your place in me.

well maybe janice can. :p

both of you are my biggest present from god

i'm really happy that our friendship is okay now.

i will always remember all the nostalgic moments we went through :)

iloveyou!

Shakey, i'm sorry i left you without saying a thing

i was just kinda tired & wanted to stop all this fights

and i thought that you will be okay without me

because you have sarah.

i have never blamed you

remember that night you called me & told me a lot of things

you were saying that you're sorry & you cried so badly

from that moment i've never think that you're wrong

i didn't said i forgave you because i don't think i need to

because it's not your fault

i'm sorry i acted like i was angry at you

but i did miss you. really.

i mean who will really be angry at her best friend

if you treat someone as your best friend, you will always forgive them no matter how many times :]

iloveyou!

Janice, we've been friends since we're std. 6 too

you were there for me when i fought with sarah.

i felt better when i'm with you

you're just like an angel who always saves me

when i have any problems

even until now, you still treat me nicely

i'm sorry if i did anything that you didn't like

you have never betrayed me

you will always keep my secrets safe

& thanks so much for that C:

iloveyou!

Ellyne, eventhough we're not that close

but we still hang out after school

& chat along all the way

you're a really good friend

and you are great. it's okay if others dislike you

but don't you ever forget that you have sarah, shakey, janice, me & sharon & jazelle too

iloveyou!

Jazelle, i wasn't that close to you

until lately, we've been so much more closer

i know u love being simple

because you don't want all those complicated matters to hurt you

it's a way to protect ourselves

nobody wants to get hurt.

i was happy when i'm with you & sharon :)

iloveyou!

Sharon, pls don't get offended by the previous post.

i'm just a bit stressed out

after i think about it, we should just sit down & talk?

but it'll feel awkward

so we all used blogging.

i was just sad when i read your blog

it's okay now, i understands

friendship is not a lock

i know what's best for my friends

if you're happier with shakey & jazelle

i'm happy for you. :]

iloveyou!

p.s: We don't need to keep them with us to be best friends.

When I Fall

it's all my fault.

i get angry when you guys joke about him or whatever

but now i feel so lost

i didn't said that you scolded me

it just made me feel like you are shooing me away

the way you talk.

& the faces you gave me.

i only asked you twice not Many times

& i didn't said that you lied

so why do you want me to ask them whether you went for training?

i am more annoyed being the one asking every time & always get rejected

then after you said you didn't want to go & asked me to go myself

i went la! so what's the problem now?

did i reacted wrongly?

or should i stay there like an idiot trying to force myself to face the fact that what you said wasn't true?

both you & i know who was being left out the most

we did nothing but hide

and i'm very sorry what i did was oh and ah when you talk to me about jason

because i'm not as good as shakey or jazelle to give you advices

you also said that you are very happy when you're with shakey and jazelle

and let them become your best friends till the end of your day

it means excluding me inside, u find it happier

now i know what to do.

i should just stop all this crap shit & say

"I WASN'T LEFT OUT!"

maybe all of you will feel better after i said that

I JUST WANT TO LIVE THE REST OF THIS YEAR IN CEMPAKA HAPPILY!

I'M WRONG & STUPID ENOUGH TO NOT KNOW THAT I'M A BURDEN TO ALL OF YOU

I AM SORRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OKAY?????

p.s: I want a new beginning!

With The Favourites

First of all, i wasn't trying to attack you shakey

everything just came to my mind

& i'm really sorry if it offended you.

i'm sorry if i were being a busybody

yea, it's true that i want to protect sarah

but i was also sad when u left her

because that's not who you are

the shakey i knew appreciated her friends more than anything else

this sounds stupid but i still trust you

i know you won't let go so easily so don't

it's okay if u guys think that i'm mad when u guys joke about him

but i'm not like his super duper extremely crazy fan

i know i do go a little crazy about him

but i won't go head over heels for him

i mean i just like him as a normal fan

& that's it.

sarah, thank you for that post

it was so touching until i cried.

when i'm all lost in my tiny little world, you lend me your hands

we were extremely close for the past few years

like nothing can tear us apart

but after some times, we had some misunderstandings & broke up

at that time, it felt like my whole life was miserable

i concentrated more on studies

until i got really close sharon & jazelle

they brought me hope again

but in any circumstances, i missed you

janice, thanks for always being there for me

u will find a way to make me feel better

haha. i just feel like myself when i'm with you

means i can be myself when i'm with you

like quit acting & all & tell you how i feel

thank you for that hidden msg thing :)

eventhough i don't see it

but i love you too, as a best friend

sharon, i felt really happy when i sleptover at your hse

i hope time could pass slowly

because happy moments always passes so fast

i still remember we watched movies together. :]

until late at night. haha

jazelle, we also spent unforgettable moments together

with sharon. and rufus too :)

when we looked into each other in the eyes that day

we both said "i missed you" in the eyes

i dunno if u did, but i did

friends are parts of our life.

to be true, i love my friends more than my family

we tell our friends secrets but not our family

because sometimes, friends give me a more comfortable feeling

i feel like i'm protected when i'm with my friends

they will always comfort us & lend us their shoulders

never give up on you & always protect you

i feel much better telling them stuffs

sarah, shakey, sharon, jazelle & even janice + zhin ee (primary friend) i miss her alot

all of you are my very very very best friends

i'll always remember all the little things we did together

even if we argue, it's still a memorable part of our lives

i spent a long time writing this post

i hope it's never too late to indicate how i feel..

sorry for everything

sorry if i made u guys sad or hurt

i apologize.

p.s: I love all of you. in a good way

The Pieces Just Don't Fit Anymore.

Yesterday was the last day of games carnival

I joined frisbee and got 3rd :P

we underestimated the Beruangs. they were good

But in the end, HELANG won for games carnival!!!!!!!! HOoray.. Xd

My sister, Sarah & I sprayed our hair

mine was a H sign but it was a Fat |---| (H)

i don't really like it. :O

Then we ate, talked went to the library but it was closed

but we stayed at the bridge there.

Sarah & I started dancing. haahah. so funny ;D

we played piggy back. it was fun too!!!! :]

practiced frisbee. & sarah started to like it

ellyne still has some practices to do

& janice, you're good at it :b

went to mid valley after games carnival.

ate in sushi king. ordered loads of food.

Sarah poured some green tea in the miso soup & asked me to finish it

I knew they did something with it, so i tried a little

then they started laughing & said they poured tea inside

lame ppl :P

after that, went to nichii

tried on clothes but didn't buy anything Xs

my sister & i had to go home first :(

when we reached home, my sister started using my laptop

& i waited for it for hours & in the end i fell asleep.

why must we be the one who go to u guys??

and i didn't go to you, cause they told me u guys were together on wednesday

so i thought u guys would come to us and finally we could be together

We were together on wednesday because i went to them

it sounded like an excuse when u said "cause you guys were together on wednesday"

even if we're together, u don't have to leave her.

it's just an excuse to leave her.

okay, it was because of this i went to sarah & the others

sharon & jazelle was sitting on the higher side of the bench

but me?? i was way down there

what i was surprised of was

sharon said "come up here la" in chinese

i thought she was talking to me

but she was asking gabriel to.

what do u think i can do??

of course you'll leave if u were me right?

on thursday, i asked sharon to go for frisbee practice with me

then she said i went already, u go practice yourself

& then again i ask her, she said u go yourself la

u were there too, shakey

if she said so, i'll go.

after a while, 3 of u were eating maggi mee

& i went to u guys.

i felt like i was interrupting u guys

cause u were all so quiet when i went near

so i left again

how can anything be simple if we just kept quiet?

it won't be simple but stupid!

you're not me, you won't know how i felt

someone has to leave & that's me.

if i leave, then everything will be just simple like the way u want it to be.

& i wasn't angry when u guys joke about him

of course i know u guys were just kidding

i was just giving the reaction u guys wanted

for example when ms. archana asked is it a guy or a girl

then how jazelle reacted. pointing the finger

it's just the same theory

so do u say she was angry? if u think she was

then jazelle, did u take it seriously??

you always said that you're sorry & does nothing about it.

yea, i've said sorry and i do nothing, then why can't you do something?

why can't WE do something?

but i don't understand.

why must must she do something?

we're not even wrong

i know you won't agree with what i've said

but i'm very tired. just to tired to act like nothing happened

i'm tired of acting already!!!!

it's not that we're not that close anymore, it's obvious that i'm left out

i'm not blaming u guys because i'm left out

i'm blaming myself because i'm not perfect enough to be left out.

no matter what, we still had memorable times together.

& that's enough for me.

this is rather a very offensive post, but it is still the truth.

i might not be completely right, but i don't think i'm wrong.

p.s: You begged her not to hang out with us but what about you?

I'm Sorry, I Can't Be Perfect!

It has been a while since i last blogged.

This week was the games carnival week.

Obviously, HELANG's Leading!!!!!!!! :)

followed by Beruang, Harimau & Seladang.

Went to Sarah's hse this morning

then her dad fetched her, Janice, my sister & I to cheras.

Ellyne & Sarah played softball, while janice & i were taking videos for them

Shared Maggi mee, had ice lemon tea, cheese bread & cookies.

Foods there is much more expensive :S

The problem is i'm officially broke

the reason why was because i went for facial yesterday

used up RM 200 & i bought another Helang t-shirt

god. i have to save alot of money.

after games carnival, i had cheerleading practice at shazwan's hse

then i can't find transport back

& my sister was demanding me not to go

adding on, she keep asking me to call athira to tell her that i can't go

Wth is wrong with her?? when will she stop controlling my life?

she's only my sister!! Y is she stepping over the line??

stop asking me to follow what u like!! I have the right to make my own decisions!!!

this is my life NOT yours. & i know that my life sucks

just because everything is falling apart.

Ellyne knew why i cried. Thank you for supporting me :]

Sarah & Janice too..Thank you for comforting me. :)

I just can't stand it but what can i do???

i must bear with it no matter what

Today might be a suckish day

but it wasn't that bad when u all were by my side

Janice, sometimes i feel that i'm very close to you

when we talked things out & we start comforting one another.

it just feels great :D

Sarah, you were always the nicest friend to me

you will never say no & were always caring.

i'm very grateful to have u as my best friend ^^

Ellyne, eventhough u act sarcastic at times

but u're very understanding. :p

Jazelle & Sharon, we got closer beacuse of korean bands

Jazelle is always simple, don't like complicated matters

& will just step out of it. We had great times together

& thanks for that.

Sharon, i know u didn't like me last time

but we got really close. but things changes slowly

& i have no idea why. the way u threat me & others were different

what u said was right. shakey did left ellyne when we friend her back

but now, she's leaving sarah too.

Shakey, i know u went through alot of hard times

but you shouldn't leave sarah & ellyne.

they were there for u when u felt upset

maybe u didn't leave them on purpose, u just got carried away & all

but u changes so fast

i defended you but now i feel so dissapointed.

It's just unfair & u don't know how much sarah misses you

she couldn't believe u did that to her

she thought u were her closest friend

i'm sorry if what i think offends you guys

but i'm just telling what i know.

i'm a bitch or whatever. it doesn't really matter to me

eventhough i felt left out, but i always act like nothing happens

but right now, i just can't stand back & pretends that nothing is happening

i don't know how to face you guys.

we have nothing to talk about now, & it feels very awkward.

p.s: U asked me to go & i really did.

Tik Tok :)

Bought so many stuffs in Mid Valley yesterday.

From Skin Food, The Face Shop & Vincci

Spent around RM 300. :O It was all cleanser, body lotion, hand cream & mask

teehee. came home & watched journey to the west

channel 314. it was funny. haha

this morning, went to rosella's hse for cheer practice

it was from 10.30 till 1.30

came home then slept till 7 Xp

was too tired. tomoro morning still have to go to the library to do history assignment

shakey will be fetching me there & janice will fetch me back :D

thank you peeps. i've got the schedule for the cheer practice.

it's hell!! :O we have it everyday except saturday!

omg. my cousin will be so mad to fetch me everyday.

& he might not fetch. sighh. see first la

i'll stop here. babye :]

p.s: stop bugging me

When We Are In The Dark

Our first mid-sem is over!! Yippie :D

But there's gonna be cheerleading practice the whole week i guess.

shoot. then how am i suppose to go to the library?? :(

nvm. just go with the flow

i knew some of my results for my exam :p

History- 87%

Science- 80%

KH- 87-88% (have to check with pn.nurra)

i'm satisfied by now :D

just hope i won't get a C for my geo & a B for my maths.

During the exam weeks, i practically stayed up everyday

it was so exhausted. but i guess it's worth it :)

ohh. & it's okay janice. work harder next time!!

eventhough i'm not in your shoes, but i know how it feels :]

just don't give up!! XD

jazelle, sharon & shakey went to times square today.

actually i can go cause my cousin's going to sungai wang

but i didn't. just don't feel like going. u guys just have fun there!

coz i'm going out with my other cousin later. probably mid valley or pearl point

i'm still wondering who will be able to fetch me to rosella's hse tomoro.

the problem is i don't know how to go to her hse. actually forgot how to.

sigh. things are getting so complicated.

anything la. the most important thing to me is studies.

nothing really matters anymore. not before, not now & not in the future.

it sounded awkward. but nvm.

okay. i've got some urgent matters. bye!!!

p.s: i'm not your doll!

First Mid Semester Exams

The first exam of the year started on this tuesday.

so far i think it went okay..

except for maths :S paper 2 was tough

tomorow is the last day for exams

& we'll be having art, eng paper 1 & geography papers

just screw art :D oh. & screw geo too. didn't study coz it's too BORING.

watched a few videos just now.

1. SM ENTERTAINMENT STOLE DANCE CHEOREOGRAPHY FOR SHINEE

2. C.N Blue sings NoBODy

3. SNSD perform Oh! on ice!

tomoro after school, i'll go get my history & science marks Xp

pn. rahimah promised to give me my marks today

but she haven mark paper 2 yet because she was busy watching autumn concerto :O

haha. funny right?! i can't believe she watches taiwan dramas :P

okay it's 1 in the morning & i'll have to head to bed. bye

wish me luck ;]

ps: Who will be the next k-pop star? :)